Light

– By Nikki –

I hear a voice more harsh than a gunshot whispering in my ear.

“No one will understand, listen, or care about you,” it claims, wrapping it’s arms around my neck and dragging me out of the existing moment I am participating in. I struggle against the weight of the constricting arms that are slowly choking me to death. I try to to verbalize what is going on, but all that I see is your hard face not noticing me.

I close my eyes and allow the darkness to overtake me.

I don’t feel anything.
I don’t have an opinion. Continue reading “Light”

Fighting Back: The Daily Reality of Being a Woman

– By Nikki –

I walked out into the sunny area that I like to run regularly by myself. The day started out well with coffee and breakfast at home, but slowly I had begun to feel depleted by the weariness of my daily responsibilities. I had deadlines to meet, and time was creeping up on me.

I always start out my run by turning on my app that helps me keep up my mileage, and I usually find a playlist that encourages me to keep going even when I want to stop. However, today was different because of the stress my brain was putting me under. I was overthinking certain parts of an assignment I had to get finished for graduate school.

I felt my heart rate picking up at a faster than usual pace. My breath was coming out in small gasps. I slowed myself to a walk and attempted to find a different playlist. Failing that, instead of worrying about what I was listening to I gazed at the path ahead of me. The sun was out, and the normal harshness of St. Louis’s hot summer weather had been replaced with a genuinely nice and comfortable day. An 82 °F (26 °C) day in July? Rare indeed. The trees were green and beautiful.

As I contemplated the beauty of the moment, I felt myself stop walking before I even realized it. I snapped out of my daze to see why my body had stopped moving to see two very large men standing in front of me. Continue reading “Fighting Back: The Daily Reality of Being a Woman”

Facing Yourself: Escaping the Black Hole of Depression

– By Nikki – 

Mild trigger warning: if you struggle with depression or any related mental health issues, you’ll find this journey familiar. Be advised this post could be a difficult read.  

Imagine that you have been silent for the majority of your life. That silence turns into a big black hole constantly sucking away your desires, dreams, and goals. Life itself slows down, and you begin to see it stretch out before you and every person that you know is moving forward in life. You cannot move forward – you only look backward at the moment when everything changed, and you realize that you are stuck at the event horizon of that black hole. People on the outside see you and nothing has changed, but on the inside you are being stretched to the point of absolute destruction. You wonder if it will ever end. Continue reading “Facing Yourself: Escaping the Black Hole of Depression”

Rom-Com Week! “500 Days of Summer” and the Dark Side of Falling in Love

Considering the massive resurgence in popularity 500 Days of Summer has seen over the past few years, combined with this film routinely taking the top spot on many “best of” romantic comedies lists, I’d be surprised if you haven’t seen it. The term “sleeper hit” doesn’t even begin to describe its success, and it is undeniably a cult classic.

RW2-1

All of that is to say that if you haven’t found yourself watching this, willing or otherwise, with a lovesick friend, you will in time. Just make sure it’s someone you’re comfortable crying and laughing with. And that’s fine, because 500 Days of Summer is stupid good. When my wife introduced it to me, I was blown away. I’m talking about La La Land levels of emotional vehemence, chemistry between the lead actors as spark-filled as American Hustle, and snappy dialogue that gives pause even to films like The Princess Bride. Continue reading “Rom-Com Week! “500 Days of Summer” and the Dark Side of Falling in Love”

Even When the Pain Comes (The Miracle)

So, there’s something I haven’t really told my blogging audience about myself. It’s not it’s anything I’ve been hiding it, it’s just not something I’ve wanted to revel in. The truth is, I just don’t like to admit pain and have people feel bad for me, because so many people have so many more difficulties than mine. Still, I think today is the day I should tell you about my story. Continue reading “Even When the Pain Comes (The Miracle)”