Saying Goodbye to Ezri

– By Nikki –

On April 11 at 6:00 a.m., my beautiful cat went into cardiac arrest. When we adopted her one year and eight months ago she was only five months old. Me, Matt and Lucy all slowly adjusted to the new kitty in our lives. Ezri followed Lucy everywhere and they were genuinely best friends. The morning after Lucy, my childhood cat, passed away Ezri curled up in a ball next to me when my husband left for work. I remember waking up a few hours after he left and she was still beside me. This tradition would continue every morning for the rest of her short life.

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Ezri would do everything with me. She followed me around the apartment, she waited on me outside of the shower, she watched me leave, and waited for me to come home. She was also a chatterbox. Oftentimes, she would meow at me constantly as if she were trying to have a conversation with me. I would tell her how good of a girl she was, and she would roll around on her back while staring at me and meowing away. She also loved being held. When I woke up in the morning I would hold her for a good while and she would just cling to me. This pattern repeated itself whenever I came home or even when I sometimes left the room. To say that she was a special girl would be an understatement. I could never put into words my complete feelings for Ezri.

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I have had trouble writing this eulogy because I was able to have my last day with her, unlike Lucy. On April 9th I found out that she was very sick. I couldn’t get her to eat or drink anything, and getting her to use her box was impossible. She hid from me, and my normally very social cat seemed to be fading away from me. I took her to the vet and they basically told me that I should euthanize her because of her white blood cell count, her not eating (and all of those issues that go along with it), and that she had metal fragments in her stomach. I received all of this information on the phone. I was in the parking lot of the gym that I work out at, and I just started crying. I called Matt and told him what was going on. He came straight away and we went to the vet together.

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As soon as I got Ezri I held her while they told us the same information in person. I looked down to see her big green eyes staring up at me. She was clinging to me like always. It was almost like she was begging me not to leave her, and I couldn’t give up on her in that moment. I asked the vet if we could give her something to get her eating and regular again. They said yes so I took her home and gave her medicine and she actually ate a good portion of her food. I went to bed with hope for my cat that night. The next day I took her back to the vet so they could get her regular again. I got another phone call saying that she was using her box again and that the metal fragments were actually from her eating her own cat litter. I was shocked about her eating her litter, but relieved that she was starting to get normal again — so I thought. The vet said that her heart was enlarged when we arrived, but she thought we could worry about that after we got her to eat more. She often hyperventilated when she would play or if she got nervous, so I wasn’t surprised by it when we got her home.

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During my last night with her, Matt and I watched a movie and I held her. She wouldn’t get up without breathing very hard so I just let her rest beside me. I went to bed that night with an uncomfortable feeling. Something was quite off about my big kitty. The idea of euthanizing her crossed my mind again. I shook it off because I had to believe that she was getting better, but as I walked back into the room that night she didn’t respond like normal. Normally her head would pop up and should would chirp/meow at me over and over again until I hugged her. This time she just laid there. I gave her a kiss on the head and then shut myself up in the other room. I silently prayed that if it were her time to go that it would happen at home or very soon. She was terrified of the vet and I was concerned about her last moments being there. The next morning I hopped out of bed and gave her the medicine that was prescribed. This time she started acting funny and at first I thought she was choking, but she was just breathing in a ragged way. She then sauntered over by our bedroom door and fell to her side. She screamed for what felt like a decade. We made eye contact and then she was gone. I gave her CPR and her heartbeat came back for a second and then fluttered away. She was really gone.

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I didn’t write about this for a while because I knew how dependent that little cat was on me. I didn’t want her to be gone, but she is. I take comfort in the fact that she was with  Matt and me when she went, but I will never stop loving Ezri. She was so happy to be alive until the very end. I already said goodbye privately, but now I am doing it publicly. I wish I would have gotten much longer with her. She was my closest companion and will never be forgotten.

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Now just ten days later we have found a kitten that is need of a home. At first the idea of adopting again seemed disrespectful, but now I think that I am honoring both of my passed kitties by adopting again. I know that she will never replace them but maybe I can give this one cat a good life just like I did my other two. My heart still aches for Ezri (and Lucy) but I know that I am doing the right thing. Ezri thrived on happiness and that is what I am going to strive to be. I thank God for my short time with Ezri and I know that my time with her was so very important.

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6 Comments
  1. I’m so, so, sorry, I’m in tears just reading this. I can’t imagine how awful that must have been to go through. We lost one of our beloved cats at the end of last year, and we weren’t able to be there for her in her final moments, so it was very hard to say goodbye. I can’t even begin to imagine how harrowing it must have been to see your beloved companion in such pain, but hopefully she has found some peace, and knows how much she was loved.

    I know exactly what you mean about not wanting to be “disrespectful”; we felt the same way. But ultimately it seemed like the best idea — our surviving cat Meg was clearly very lonely, even if she perhaps didn’t understand why. We’ve since got another cat, and while the pair of them don’t appear to get along that well, it’s clear that Meg appreciates the company.

    My deepest sympathies for your loss, but I hope your new kitty finds and appreciates what is clearly a loving home.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Sorry for your loss. It’s awful to lose pets, especially when they’re so young, but it sounds like she was very content and had a wonderful family who loved her lots.

    My boyfriend’s cat had to be put down last year at the age of 23. They hesitated to adopt again since he was a huge part of the family, but they found an adorable 10 year old cat in need of a home. Of course Ezri and Lucy will never be forgotten, but I think you’ll find having a new kitten in your life will help fill that hole just a little.

    Liked by 1 person

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