Goodbye Lucy

– By Nikki –

I have always felt my emotions so very deeply. I think I inherited that trait from my father. He is a sensitive and empathetic man who says very little to most. In many ways I am similar to him. We both hate confrontation, we both hate showing others how we are really feeling, and most importantly we both hate feeling.

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My best friend Lucy passed away last night. She had a baseball sized mass in her stomach, and our options were very limited. Now she’s gone and I hate what I am feeling. I want to numb all of this out and distract myself from these emotions.

Like my father, I hate dealing with grief. When my mom died I watched him go numb. It is a painful thing to see a parent go through. However, Lucy came into my life just a year later. I watched her eyes open and she grew into a majestic cat. Throughout many of my life milestones she was there for my successes and failures.

Once I married Matt we were all kind of inseparable. We did everything with that little kitty. Last night, similarly to when I watched her enter this world, I watched her leave this world. Her eyes went blank and her life was gone in an instant. I called out her name and she was gone…

Currently I am having so much trouble with adjusting to her being gone. I thought I saw her last night in her favorite spot. Her meows that I became so accustomed to hearing are still echoing through my head. I want to go numb like my dad did when we lost my mother — and I did for a while — but that would be a disgrace to my little feline family member.

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Brené Brown says that going numb is almost like a double edged sword because other emotions and thoughts also get dulled out:

“We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.”
— Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

In other words, if I choose to run away from what I’m feeling and dull everything out, I am going to also blur out the positive aspects that Lucy had in my life. Future and current relationships can be affected negatively if I choose to not feel what I’m feeling. For a while I will be upset, and watching my beautiful girl leave this earth and sink down into death will haunt me for a long time, however I am choosing to miss her and to never ever forget her.

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She was such a special light in many of my family’s lives. Now I will try to just remember the good times, and remember that what I had with her was special. To have known my girl from the moment she entered this world until she left is quite special. I most certainly wish that she were here for all of my other life milestones, but if she were she would be in so much pain.

She was losing her independence fast, and she was prideful girl who deserved dignity. If she were here she would be suffering, and I have to keep telling myself that. I just hate that the end of her life came so quickly. I most definitely didn’t think that I would lose her last night.

My Lucy girl is gone now, but I will never forget her, nor will her death ever not sting. I miss her terribly, and I don’t know how to end this post because I don’t want her to be gone. Last night I hugged her tight and told her goodbye, and when I left her lifeless vessel I kissed her one last time. So I guess this is my long way of saying goodbye. Goodbye my beautiful girl.

 

 

Related: A Loss For Words | Daily Inkling

Published by

Nikki // Normal Happenings

Nikki Estes. Grad student [ Communications | English | Literature | Writing ]. I like running, anything caffeinated, and promoting education.

20 thoughts on “Goodbye Lucy

  1. Nothing I can say will lessen the pain of losing Lucy. I hope you can find comfort in how much she was loved and cared for. You gave her a beautiful life. She was cherished, and I know in my heart she knew that. I’m here if you need me. ❤

    Liked by 3 people

  2. This was a beautifully written tribute to a lovely kitty that I only recently came to meet through Matt’s hidden easter egg in one of the Games that Define Us posts, and I am so so sorry for your loss. There are no words that can adequately soothe or express that feeling. All I can do is offer you my condolences and some e-hugs. I’m thinking of you both. *hugs*

    Liked by 2 people

  3. This was so beautifully written. Nothing can compare to the heartache of losing your pet that gives you comfort when you’re sad, knows when you need to be cheered up, and someone who is just an all around best friend. I lost three pets over the course of a year and it will never get easier. Thinking of you both!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m sorry to hear about your loss of three pets in one year. I honestly couldn’t imagine going through that. Especially with how shocked I am about Lucy. Thank you! ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m so sorry to hear this. Losing a beloved pet is pain and grief like no other, regardless of how long they’ve been part of your life.

    Regrettably, I know exactly how you are feeling right now; we lost our precious little Ruby recently. I wrote about how I felt here: https://moegamer.net/2018/11/08/goodbye-ruby/

    I recognised a lot of myself in what you wrote here. I don’t really know how to process grief. I feel sad, and tearful, and angry, and afraid. When I start feeling “better”, I feel guilty. I don’t want to leave her behind, to admit that she’s gone. I wish she could come back; our lives together were just beginning and we had so many happy years ahead of us.

    Thankfully we’re not left totally alone, as her companion (and possibly mother) Meg is still with us. We have been both giving a receiving a lot of love since Ruby left us; it’s brought us closer in some ways, but the feelings of grief still linger. And projecting I may be, but I’m pretty sure Meg still misses her too.

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Take all the time you need to grieve, and to talk about how you are feeling as much as you are able. And take some small comfort from the fact that I’m sure Lucy knew she was loved from the bottom of your heart.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much for sharing. Yes my emotions are a whirlwind right now. I wish Lucy could too. It’s such a painful process…. also thanks for the kind words. I will most certainly try to remember that she knew that (I hope). ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I’ve lost many pets over the years and it never gets any easier. They really are like furry family members.

    I’m very sorry for your loss. Thank you for writing this amazing tribute to Lucy. She seemed to have had a purr-fect life, at least. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I’m so so sorry for your loss, and your pain. From reading this post I can tell the two of you were inseparable. I just want to hug you. Know that your beautiful little furbaby is still with you, happily watching over her hoomans.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. […] Goodbye Lucy (Normal Happenings) – Nikki from Normal Happenings gives a heartfelt eulogy for her beloved cat Lucy, who passed away recently. Having recently lost our darling Ruby and felt many of the things Nikki describes — chronicled here, please do go and pay your respects if you have a moment — this hit home pretty hard. […]

    Liked by 2 people

  8. I started crying with the title and image… I had to put our dog to sleep (a few years prematurely) last month. (And my mom’s cat for her earlier this year.) I think it’s a special kind of soul within a human body that bonds so deeply with animals’. Many don’t get it, can’t feel it. For our kind, pet loss is one of the greatest pains in life to endure, for sure. I randomly burst into tears without warning about it. I feel others’ love for their pets at an abnormal level. To miss them will always, always be the case. And it will always hurt.

    All I can do is not let my gratitude fade away: I am soooooooo blessed, so thankful, for being able to have the time I did with my particular furry family members, and just as blessed and thankful that animals and pets are a part of this stint called life because I think it is one of the absolute greatest parts. Be sad because you miss her, let the fresh bulk of it out. Just replace that emptiness afterwards with something good. Let her still comfort you from afar. You don’t have to let those meows and purrs vanish. Keep them a part of you. She’s still with you, and I do believe you will reunite again.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks for your kind words. I am so sorry for the loss of your dog, and the loss of your mom’s cat. You are so right. I am having trouble acting normal still at times, and I feel like a lot of people do not understand my connection to Lucy. I am so glad that you could relate with my post, and it means so much that you shared your own experiences with me. In a way it helps me cope with the loss more, and it helps to know that there are other people who care about their furry family members with the same capacity as myself too. I hope you are right about seeing her again someday. She really was a special soul. My heart goes out to you with your losses as well. Thanks again. ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

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