Today I decided to give up being on Facebook and Instagram. Not completely, but at least on my iPhone. I still have to get on social media for work reasons. My motives for getting on Facebook and Instagram are for strictly business now.
What am I supposed to do without my security blanket? This has been the main thing that has been keeping my attention for the past three years! I feel like I’ve gone through a bad breakup. I have been through two in my life. My first breakup was with someone whom I thought I loved. The second was supposed to be a filler guy who was taking up the space that belonged to my current fiance. Unfortunately, I ended up getting to know him and he broke my heart too. These negative experiences, however, led to the wonderful man that I will be marrying in less than a year. I love my fiance very much, and he helped me rise up from those horrible exes.
Now he may have to help me again with my third heartbreak. This is not with a person but with Facebook. Sure I get on for work, but not to mindlessly scroll and be nosy. Now I actually have to sit through television shows. Now I have to truly listen in conversations. I can’t just look at everyone else’s lives anymore. I have missed having an attention span.
I used to read books whenever I had a spare moment, but then I got a smartphone. For the past three years I have lived for Facebook notifications. So I feel like I am going through a heartbreak, but I also think I am already going through withdrawals. It was like when I gave up soda as a teenager. I was very cranky for about a month, but once I drank a soda after that wretched time it was disgusting. I am hoping it will be the same for me with Facebook. At this present moment I am getting annoyed at the slightest sound or movement and my right hand is twitching for something to do. My only motivation at this second is reading.
I am minoring in English, and will have to read a great deal with this academic endeavor. Also I am going to England this July and I need to have three books read by then to get the full experience of the trip. I am tired of being like everyone else. I am tired of scrolling through Facebook. You know, I was actually embarrassed to read a physical copy of a book at my university last semester, simply because you never see anyone doing it anymore. My goal is to listen to The Smiths and read my books without the nagging desire to scroll.
In this situation I should be like Rory Gilmore. Rory would not be afraid to be herself, so neither should I. But sadly, I no longer remember who that younger version of myself used to be. I am simply a shallow representation of who I was. I would stay up until 2 a.m. on a school night as a kid just to read one more chapter. My dad would bang on my door and tell me to turn off my light and go to sleep. But I had my little book light when all else failed. Sorry Dad.
So maybe through all of this I can find myself and grow into a better person. I want to be confident again. I want to be able to read something and make sense of it. Right now I can barely focus on writing this. I am hoping that it will get easier. The purpose of this post is to motivate me. I don’t want to give up. My plan is to keep Facebook blocked on my phone until my study abroad trip. Let’s see if I can get to know myself more. Maybe I can put some demons to rest. If that takes me rehashing a few of those issues for the greater good, that is fine too. Hopefully in six months when you see my friends all sitting around me scrolling through social media, I will be the one with the book.